My girlfriend was here for only 6 days, but I enjoyed every minute we shared. She helped me get my mind out of many things. It was great to be with her again! I wish I could go back to Germany, but so far, no luck on the Lotto!
A month ago was my last conversation with my oldest friend... I still can't stop thinking of her. I feel I have an emotional build up that could explode at any moment. I haven't cried for her because my anger is still so strong! I guess at some point everything will become a reality, and my anger will open up a door to the pain of loosing her.
My mom arrived yesterday, we haven't seen each other in almost 2 years, so it was a refreshing encounter face to face. We talk on the phone almost everyday anyway.
How can someone reconnect with their own feelings? I feel numb, like something is wrong, but I can't do anything to stop it.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Again writing.
I keep reading the blogs I enjoy, and I want to write again, get back in the groove of doing it. Many times I sat here, thinking that I could just write, go for it! But then life happens.
I've been angry and depressed the last couple of weeks. Fortunately my girlfriend is arriving in few days to be with me. I need her presence, I need to share with her, just talk, just be next to her. And then my mom will come and visit, just t be with me for a while. It helps to share with people, to avoid thinking so much.
I have very good friends, people I really trust, people I know forever. I met my oldest friend when we were 5 years old. We grew up together. We were neighbors for 5 years, and friends for life. We always kept in touch, lived through so many things in each other's lives, knowing in the last 20 years that we were just one phone call away. There were times we were not talking as often, but at least once a month we had contact. The last month we talked and talked and talked on the phone. She was going through a tough time, very depressed, with a lot on anxiety, with so many things to do, moving, solving problems, planing so many things. She stopped sleeping, she stopped being herself, she was not acting normal. I don't know for sure what was going on. She went to the psychiatrist, they gave her some antidepressants, and 2 days later she killed herself.
The emptiness I felt, the sadness, the pain, but most of all, the anger of thinking of her not being able to regret that mistake, have been very much in my mind. I don't feel like writing, or expressing too much. I'm so angry!
It was the stupidest thing to do, and yet she did it. I know I would never do something like that, and I thought she would never do something like that either.
Mental health is a serious problem. Please, don't ignore it. If you know someone that is going through a depression, or if you yourself are going through a tough time, please reach out for help! Every problem has a solution. Death is NOT a solution.
I've been angry and depressed the last couple of weeks. Fortunately my girlfriend is arriving in few days to be with me. I need her presence, I need to share with her, just talk, just be next to her. And then my mom will come and visit, just t be with me for a while. It helps to share with people, to avoid thinking so much.
I have very good friends, people I really trust, people I know forever. I met my oldest friend when we were 5 years old. We grew up together. We were neighbors for 5 years, and friends for life. We always kept in touch, lived through so many things in each other's lives, knowing in the last 20 years that we were just one phone call away. There were times we were not talking as often, but at least once a month we had contact. The last month we talked and talked and talked on the phone. She was going through a tough time, very depressed, with a lot on anxiety, with so many things to do, moving, solving problems, planing so many things. She stopped sleeping, she stopped being herself, she was not acting normal. I don't know for sure what was going on. She went to the psychiatrist, they gave her some antidepressants, and 2 days later she killed herself.
The emptiness I felt, the sadness, the pain, but most of all, the anger of thinking of her not being able to regret that mistake, have been very much in my mind. I don't feel like writing, or expressing too much. I'm so angry!
It was the stupidest thing to do, and yet she did it. I know I would never do something like that, and I thought she would never do something like that either.
Mental health is a serious problem. Please, don't ignore it. If you know someone that is going through a depression, or if you yourself are going through a tough time, please reach out for help! Every problem has a solution. Death is NOT a solution.