I keep reading the blogs I enjoy, and I want to write again, get back in the groove of doing it. Many times I sat here, thinking that I could just write, go for it! But then life happens.
I've been angry and depressed the last couple of weeks. Fortunately my girlfriend is arriving in few days to be with me. I need her presence, I need to share with her, just talk, just be next to her. And then my mom will come and visit, just t be with me for a while. It helps to share with people, to avoid thinking so much.
I have very good friends, people I really trust, people I know forever. I met my oldest friend when we were 5 years old. We grew up together. We were neighbors for 5 years, and friends for life. We always kept in touch, lived through so many things in each other's lives, knowing in the last 20 years that we were just one phone call away. There were times we were not talking as often, but at least once a month we had contact. The last month we talked and talked and talked on the phone. She was going through a tough time, very depressed, with a lot on anxiety, with so many things to do, moving, solving problems, planing so many things. She stopped sleeping, she stopped being herself, she was not acting normal. I don't know for sure what was going on. She went to the psychiatrist, they gave her some antidepressants, and 2 days later she killed herself.
The emptiness I felt, the sadness, the pain, but most of all, the anger of thinking of her not being able to regret that mistake, have been very much in my mind. I don't feel like writing, or expressing too much. I'm so angry!
It was the stupidest thing to do, and yet she did it. I know I would never do something like that, and I thought she would never do something like that either.
Mental health is a serious problem. Please, don't ignore it. If you know someone that is going through a depression, or if you yourself are going through a tough time, please reach out for help! Every problem has a solution. Death is NOT a solution.
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
A question of LOVE
I found this on the internet. I'm not one of his fans, but I agree with everything he says here... And I guess many of us do too.
Here's the direct link on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhrNjMgmrds
The full text of his comment:
SPECIAL COMMENT
By Keith Olbermann
Finally tonight as promised, a Special Comment on the passage, last week, of Proposition Eight in California, which rescinded the right of same-sex couples to marry, and tilted the balance on this issue, from coast to coast.
Some parameters, as preface. This isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics, and this isn't really just about Prop-8. And I don't have a personal investment in this: I'm not gay, I had to strain to think of one member of even my very extended family who is, I have no personal stories of close friends or colleagues fighting the prejudice that still pervades their lives.
And yet to me this vote is horrible. Horrible. Because this isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics. This is about the human heart, and if that sounds corny, so be it.
If you voted for this Proposition or support those who did or the sentiment they expressed, I have some questions, because, truly, I do not understand. Why does this matter to you? What is it to you? In a time of impermanence and fly-by-night relationships, these people over here want the same chance at permanence and happiness that is your option. They don't want to deny you yours. They don't want to take anything away from you. They want what you want—a chance to be a little less alone in the world.
Only now you are saying to them—no. You can't have it on these terms. Maybe something similar. If they behave. If they don't cause too much trouble. You'll even give them all the same legal rights—even as you're taking away the legal right, which they already had. A world around them, still anchored in love and marriage, and you are saying, no, you can't marry. What if somebody passed a law that said you couldn't marry?
I keep hearing this term "re-defining" marriage. If this country hadn't re-defined marriage, black people still couldn't marry white people. Sixteen states had laws on the books which made that illegal in 1967. 1967.
The parents of the President-Elect of the United States couldn't have married in nearly one third of the states of the country their son grew up to lead. But it's worse than that. If this country had not "re-defined" marriage, some black people still couldn't marry black people. It is one of the most overlooked and cruelest parts of our sad story of slavery. Marriages were not legally recognized, if the people were slaves. Since slaves were property, they could not legally be husband and wife, or mother and child. Their marriage vows were different: not "Until Death, Do You Part," but "Until Death or Distance, Do You Part." Marriages among slaves were not legally recognized.
You know, just like marriages today in California are not legally recognized, if the people are gay.
And uncountable in our history are the number of men and women, forced by society into marrying the opposite sex, in sham marriages, or marriages of convenience, or just marriages of not knowing, centuries of men and women who have lived their lives in shame and unhappiness, and who have, through a lie to themselves or others, broken countless other lives, of spouses and children, all because we said a man couldn't marry another man, or a woman couldn't marry another woman. The sanctity of marriage.
How many marriages like that have there been and how on earth do they increase the "sanctity" of marriage rather than render the term, meaningless?
What is this, to you? Nobody is asking you to embrace their expression of love. But don't you, as human beings, have to embrace... that love? The world is barren enough.
It is stacked against love, and against hope, and against those very few and precious emotions that enable us to go forward. Your marriage only stands a 50-50 chance of lasting, no matter how much you feel and how hard you work.
And here are people overjoyed at the prospect of just that chance, and that work, just for the hope of having that feeling. With so much hate in the world, with so much meaningless division, and people pitted against people for no good reason, this is what your religion tells you to do? With your experience of life and this world and all its sadnesses, this is what your conscience tells you to do?
With your knowledge that life, with endless vigor, seems to tilt the playing field on which we all live, in favor of unhappiness and hate... this is what your heart tells you to do? You want to sanctify marriage? You want to honor your God and the universal love you believe he represents? Then Spread happiness—this tiny, symbolic, semantical grain of happiness—share it with all those who seek it. Quote me anything from your religious leader or book of choice telling you to stand against this. And then tell me how you can believe both that statement and another statement, another one which reads only "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
You are asked now, by your country, and perhaps by your creator, to stand on one side or another. You are asked now to stand, not on a question of politics, not on a question of religion, not on a question of gay or straight. You are asked now to stand, on a question of love. All you need do is stand, and let the tiny ember of love meet its own fate.
You don't have to help it, you don't have it applaud it, you don't have to fight for it. Just don't put it out. Just don't extinguish it. Because while it may at first look like that love is between two people you don't know and you don't understand and maybe you don't even want to know. It is, in fact, the ember of your love, for your fellow person just because this is the only world we have. And the other guy counts, too.
This is the second time in ten days I find myself concluding by turning to, of all things, the closing plea for mercy by Clarence Darrow in a murder trial.
But what he said, fits what is really at the heart of this:
"I was reading last night of the aspiration of the old Persian poet, Omar-Khayyam," he told the judge. It appealed to me as the highest that I can vision. I wish it was in my heart, and I wish it was in the hearts of all: So I be written in the Book of Love; I do not care about that Book above. Erase my name, or write it as you will, So I be written in the Book of Love."
Here's the direct link on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhrNjMgmrds
The full text of his comment:
SPECIAL COMMENT
By Keith Olbermann
Finally tonight as promised, a Special Comment on the passage, last week, of Proposition Eight in California, which rescinded the right of same-sex couples to marry, and tilted the balance on this issue, from coast to coast.
Some parameters, as preface. This isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics, and this isn't really just about Prop-8. And I don't have a personal investment in this: I'm not gay, I had to strain to think of one member of even my very extended family who is, I have no personal stories of close friends or colleagues fighting the prejudice that still pervades their lives.
And yet to me this vote is horrible. Horrible. Because this isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics. This is about the human heart, and if that sounds corny, so be it.
If you voted for this Proposition or support those who did or the sentiment they expressed, I have some questions, because, truly, I do not understand. Why does this matter to you? What is it to you? In a time of impermanence and fly-by-night relationships, these people over here want the same chance at permanence and happiness that is your option. They don't want to deny you yours. They don't want to take anything away from you. They want what you want—a chance to be a little less alone in the world.
Only now you are saying to them—no. You can't have it on these terms. Maybe something similar. If they behave. If they don't cause too much trouble. You'll even give them all the same legal rights—even as you're taking away the legal right, which they already had. A world around them, still anchored in love and marriage, and you are saying, no, you can't marry. What if somebody passed a law that said you couldn't marry?
I keep hearing this term "re-defining" marriage. If this country hadn't re-defined marriage, black people still couldn't marry white people. Sixteen states had laws on the books which made that illegal in 1967. 1967.
The parents of the President-Elect of the United States couldn't have married in nearly one third of the states of the country their son grew up to lead. But it's worse than that. If this country had not "re-defined" marriage, some black people still couldn't marry black people. It is one of the most overlooked and cruelest parts of our sad story of slavery. Marriages were not legally recognized, if the people were slaves. Since slaves were property, they could not legally be husband and wife, or mother and child. Their marriage vows were different: not "Until Death, Do You Part," but "Until Death or Distance, Do You Part." Marriages among slaves were not legally recognized.
You know, just like marriages today in California are not legally recognized, if the people are gay.
And uncountable in our history are the number of men and women, forced by society into marrying the opposite sex, in sham marriages, or marriages of convenience, or just marriages of not knowing, centuries of men and women who have lived their lives in shame and unhappiness, and who have, through a lie to themselves or others, broken countless other lives, of spouses and children, all because we said a man couldn't marry another man, or a woman couldn't marry another woman. The sanctity of marriage.
How many marriages like that have there been and how on earth do they increase the "sanctity" of marriage rather than render the term, meaningless?
What is this, to you? Nobody is asking you to embrace their expression of love. But don't you, as human beings, have to embrace... that love? The world is barren enough.
It is stacked against love, and against hope, and against those very few and precious emotions that enable us to go forward. Your marriage only stands a 50-50 chance of lasting, no matter how much you feel and how hard you work.
And here are people overjoyed at the prospect of just that chance, and that work, just for the hope of having that feeling. With so much hate in the world, with so much meaningless division, and people pitted against people for no good reason, this is what your religion tells you to do? With your experience of life and this world and all its sadnesses, this is what your conscience tells you to do?
With your knowledge that life, with endless vigor, seems to tilt the playing field on which we all live, in favor of unhappiness and hate... this is what your heart tells you to do? You want to sanctify marriage? You want to honor your God and the universal love you believe he represents? Then Spread happiness—this tiny, symbolic, semantical grain of happiness—share it with all those who seek it. Quote me anything from your religious leader or book of choice telling you to stand against this. And then tell me how you can believe both that statement and another statement, another one which reads only "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
You are asked now, by your country, and perhaps by your creator, to stand on one side or another. You are asked now to stand, not on a question of politics, not on a question of religion, not on a question of gay or straight. You are asked now to stand, on a question of love. All you need do is stand, and let the tiny ember of love meet its own fate.
You don't have to help it, you don't have it applaud it, you don't have to fight for it. Just don't put it out. Just don't extinguish it. Because while it may at first look like that love is between two people you don't know and you don't understand and maybe you don't even want to know. It is, in fact, the ember of your love, for your fellow person just because this is the only world we have. And the other guy counts, too.
This is the second time in ten days I find myself concluding by turning to, of all things, the closing plea for mercy by Clarence Darrow in a murder trial.
But what he said, fits what is really at the heart of this:
"I was reading last night of the aspiration of the old Persian poet, Omar-Khayyam," he told the judge. It appealed to me as the highest that I can vision. I wish it was in my heart, and I wish it was in the hearts of all: So I be written in the Book of Love; I do not care about that Book above. Erase my name, or write it as you will, So I be written in the Book of Love."
Thursday, September 11, 2008
How fast do we go?
I was at the Mall and took some pictures. As an allegoric of our foot prints in life, some of these pictures made me think: how fast do we go in life? Well, for some people, fast enough that we don't leave a foot print. But other pass by our lives leaving such impression that everything else is a blur around them. I wonder if I'm leaving a deep enough foot print in the lives of the people I love the most.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
She is coming soon!
Well, after almost two years of seen each other at least once a week, flirting, me looking and looking, her... well, she just kept teasing me, exposing herself on the screen, showing me how out of my league she was. I felt bad, but secretly my desires were burning deep inside. I even tried looking for someone else! She was too much for me, I just couldn't even imagine the posibility of having her all to myself.
I saw her with someone else, and it was nice, so nice that I had an even deeper desire.
But things happen for a reason, I'm sure! After flirting, teasing me, I found that she could be in my league after all. So, after a couple of days dealing with her and her people, I finally did it.
I decided that she'll be more helpful to me right here, next to me, helping me with work, and doing stuff that now I can't do. I am so looking forward to spend endless hours together....
Next time I'll show you her picture.
I saw her with someone else, and it was nice, so nice that I had an even deeper desire.
But things happen for a reason, I'm sure! After flirting, teasing me, I found that she could be in my league after all. So, after a couple of days dealing with her and her people, I finally did it.
I decided that she'll be more helpful to me right here, next to me, helping me with work, and doing stuff that now I can't do. I am so looking forward to spend endless hours together....
Next time I'll show you her picture.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Change is good...?
We live in a very fast world, everything evolves, everything changes, and if you don't change, then you are left behind and out of it. We all change in our personal lives... that is also part of growing up, a sign that you are evolving as a person.
The truth is, change is good, except when you are faced with radical changes without time to adjust to them.
It feels so hard to accept the changes! Depression comes in knocking in your head, some times takes over and doesn't allow you to continue. It is a battle agains your will, a need to continue. Something will come around, you'll feel better, and life will be nice again. But until that happens, it sucks!
Then, I read the news: Myanmar's Cyclone, China's earthquake... the devastation, the losses, the pain. My life is really good! I miss my girlfriend very much.
The truth is, change is good, except when you are faced with radical changes without time to adjust to them.
It feels so hard to accept the changes! Depression comes in knocking in your head, some times takes over and doesn't allow you to continue. It is a battle agains your will, a need to continue. Something will come around, you'll feel better, and life will be nice again. But until that happens, it sucks!
Then, I read the news: Myanmar's Cyclone, China's earthquake... the devastation, the losses, the pain. My life is really good! I miss my girlfriend very much.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Back into my life
It's been difficult, rather strange, to see myself again at home in New York. I mean, it is my apartment, some of the furniture still here, but so many things have changed. It feels a little cold (and I'm not talking temperature wise) Something is missing. Maybe a routine, maybe some furniture that I feel mine. Even the new mattress as comfortable as it is, doesn't feel like mine yet. I don't remember feeling this in Berlin, but I'm sure it was probably something like that. Only now my girlfriend is not here.
We had a wonderful time together when she was here on vacation. It was good to see her, to share so much, and it is sad to miss her as much as I do.
Now I'm on my quest to find a job, to adapt to the city I called my home, to accept the changes and deal with everything around. The advantage from my window point of view, is that there are sunny days almost every day. Spring is coming and it is getting warmer.
I've been watching movies and getting updated to everything I missed. Even TV has changed! I don't have cable, so I'm limited to whatever is available on "free tv", and confirming that somehow, Cable TV has become a necessity!
I don't know yet what I want to do in the working force. I've been checking out things on the net, sent some resumes, even did some little jobs and got paid already. One of my friends wants to do a project so I'm doing research about that.
I feel a little empty. I wish I had something better to say. I wanted to get back into writing in this blog, but I'm not sure if I should continue. We'll see.
We had a wonderful time together when she was here on vacation. It was good to see her, to share so much, and it is sad to miss her as much as I do.
Now I'm on my quest to find a job, to adapt to the city I called my home, to accept the changes and deal with everything around. The advantage from my window point of view, is that there are sunny days almost every day. Spring is coming and it is getting warmer.
I've been watching movies and getting updated to everything I missed. Even TV has changed! I don't have cable, so I'm limited to whatever is available on "free tv", and confirming that somehow, Cable TV has become a necessity!
I don't know yet what I want to do in the working force. I've been checking out things on the net, sent some resumes, even did some little jobs and got paid already. One of my friends wants to do a project so I'm doing research about that.
I feel a little empty. I wish I had something better to say. I wanted to get back into writing in this blog, but I'm not sure if I should continue. We'll see.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Live from New York, is Friday morning!
It is 6 am, woke up a couple of hours ago. I'm still on European time. Yesterday was a "recovering day" from my trip. To say I was exhausted is not enough. I was extremely tired, a combination of all the physical activity that comes with packing, moving, throwing garbage, and of course flying accross the ocean, having jetlag, carrying 7 heavy suitcases, backpacks and duffelbags.
The emotional aspect of leaving and starting a long distance relationship is probably what weights more than anything. It was a wave of sadness contained by the pressure of time and the taxi waiting for me. We both tried focusing on something else, on the fact that we'll see each other sooner than we think, on the things that had to be done after I left, on cleaning and getting rid of things.
It was very sad to be there, in that apartment one last time, thinking of the first night we spent there. I remembered that even before I opened the door, I decided that I wouldn't move out until I left to go back to the US...
I'm going to see my girlfriend soon, I am really looking forward to see her and for us to share time here in New York. I'm looking forward to arrange things, to make my apartment my home again. I'm missing many things!
The first thing I made was a soup with the only little pot I brought with me, but I didn't have any plates to serve it or any spoon to eat it with! So I had soup on a plastic cup, with the spoon that came with the milk frother (my perfect milk frother that I also carried back!)
Today I will be looking at a car, one of those old cheap cars I found on craigslist.... it will be cheaper than renting a car when my girlfriend comes... and that way I can go and pick up the free stuff that people are offering around NY! I decided that I will not spend money if I can help it.
I already sent my resume to a couple of places, but haven't even unpacked! I opened 3 of the suitcases, looking for things I needed right away.
Things have to be better from the financial point of view, the main reason I had to leave Berlin. For the first time in 5 years I was happy to see the dollar so low: 1.53 for 1 Euro! At least I still have Euros that will become more dollars when I exchange them back.
I'm tired. I need to get back to sleep a little before I get out and do all the stuff that I want today.
Life is too short to be sad about the things we can't change, I know that... but it doesn't mean that I feel better being to far away from my love...
The emotional aspect of leaving and starting a long distance relationship is probably what weights more than anything. It was a wave of sadness contained by the pressure of time and the taxi waiting for me. We both tried focusing on something else, on the fact that we'll see each other sooner than we think, on the things that had to be done after I left, on cleaning and getting rid of things.
It was very sad to be there, in that apartment one last time, thinking of the first night we spent there. I remembered that even before I opened the door, I decided that I wouldn't move out until I left to go back to the US...
I'm going to see my girlfriend soon, I am really looking forward to see her and for us to share time here in New York. I'm looking forward to arrange things, to make my apartment my home again. I'm missing many things!
The first thing I made was a soup with the only little pot I brought with me, but I didn't have any plates to serve it or any spoon to eat it with! So I had soup on a plastic cup, with the spoon that came with the milk frother (my perfect milk frother that I also carried back!)
Today I will be looking at a car, one of those old cheap cars I found on craigslist.... it will be cheaper than renting a car when my girlfriend comes... and that way I can go and pick up the free stuff that people are offering around NY! I decided that I will not spend money if I can help it.
I already sent my resume to a couple of places, but haven't even unpacked! I opened 3 of the suitcases, looking for things I needed right away.
Things have to be better from the financial point of view, the main reason I had to leave Berlin. For the first time in 5 years I was happy to see the dollar so low: 1.53 for 1 Euro! At least I still have Euros that will become more dollars when I exchange them back.
I'm tired. I need to get back to sleep a little before I get out and do all the stuff that I want today.
Life is too short to be sad about the things we can't change, I know that... but it doesn't mean that I feel better being to far away from my love...
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
This weekend... New York City!
OK, you are probably thinking that this is way too fast! And yes, it is. I am going to NY this weekend, because there is a combination of things: I have this month to move, I can take as many things as possible with me, I got a pretty good deal for the weekend, and that way I can receive my apartment and set up things for when I move back, probably by the end of the month. Is not easy, but this is what I gotta do.
So here in Germany, I already sent the letter of "resignation" of contract with my cable TV company, which will end my service promptly the 31st of March. Yes, they need 3 months in advance to cut the service! Fortunately they counted January as one of the months. I have to do the same with my phone company, but only 3 weeks before ending the contract, more or less the same as it was to start the service. And apparently only the electricity can be billed up to the last minute and then they'll send the bill to someone in Germany, because they can't send it to NY.
On the other hand, tonight after I booked my flight, I signed up for Vonage, and it is already working, my new phone number is able to receive messages. I also requested internet service through cable TV, which I only have to pick up the self installation kit when I get there. So yes, that made my happy. I do miss that kind of service, the way things work right away!
The only bad thing is that I return on Monday, and only my friends who support Obama are happy that I will not be able to vote for Hillary. But I certainly hope that New York gives the victory to Hillary! I actually looked to see if I could return on tuesday after voting, but the difference in price was 300 dollars, and that will not be counted as a tax deduction contribution to the Democrat's campaign! LOL! So, Hillary, sorry I can't vote for you on the Primaries.
This is weird... I am sad to leave Berlin, but happy to go to NY. Hopefully I'll be a very frequent traveler after I get the job of my dreams, a job that will pay me enough to come visit my girlfriend at least once a month. Who knows? Maybe my destiny is to go to NY because I'm going to win the Lotto Jackpot! I can't sleep and keep dreaming awake!
Good Night!
So here in Germany, I already sent the letter of "resignation" of contract with my cable TV company, which will end my service promptly the 31st of March. Yes, they need 3 months in advance to cut the service! Fortunately they counted January as one of the months. I have to do the same with my phone company, but only 3 weeks before ending the contract, more or less the same as it was to start the service. And apparently only the electricity can be billed up to the last minute and then they'll send the bill to someone in Germany, because they can't send it to NY.
On the other hand, tonight after I booked my flight, I signed up for Vonage, and it is already working, my new phone number is able to receive messages. I also requested internet service through cable TV, which I only have to pick up the self installation kit when I get there. So yes, that made my happy. I do miss that kind of service, the way things work right away!
The only bad thing is that I return on Monday, and only my friends who support Obama are happy that I will not be able to vote for Hillary. But I certainly hope that New York gives the victory to Hillary! I actually looked to see if I could return on tuesday after voting, but the difference in price was 300 dollars, and that will not be counted as a tax deduction contribution to the Democrat's campaign! LOL! So, Hillary, sorry I can't vote for you on the Primaries.
This is weird... I am sad to leave Berlin, but happy to go to NY. Hopefully I'll be a very frequent traveler after I get the job of my dreams, a job that will pay me enough to come visit my girlfriend at least once a month. Who knows? Maybe my destiny is to go to NY because I'm going to win the Lotto Jackpot! I can't sleep and keep dreaming awake!
Good Night!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Life keeps changing!
A couple of months ago, I was writing about the possibility of returning to the States due to financial problems. Well, it will happen sooner than I had plan, and it will not be Pittsburgh after all!
I was with the idea of Pittsburgh because I had rented my apartment in NYC, so it would've been easier to be in Pittsburgh and then when my tenant decided to leave, I would decide then. Well, she notified me she was laid off and has to move by the end of this month.
So, all of a sudden, my apartment is available again, the Euro is almost 1.50 dollars, and I have to make a decision. Well, to me it is a sign that I need to go back to NY. I don't know exactly what will happen, I don't know what kind of job I can get, but I want to think that it is what I am supposed to do. Otherwise, how can I explain all these?
Of course emotionally this is driving me crazy! I'm sad, I don't want to have a long distance relationship, but maybe it is possible to do. I found that now Air Berlin has direct flights to JFK, and they start as low as 106 Euros one way! So, perhaps I'll accumulate enough miles, and so will my girlfriend. It will be all a matter of adjusting to a new situation.
I found already that Vonage has a plan where many international calls are covered and are free within that price.
And (the best thing so far) I saved 170 Euros that I would've paid to have my computer repaired! I need to change the Optical drive and the same drive is $99 in the US...
So, I'm looking forward to go back to a system where the client is always right, where everything can be obtained right away, where the stores are open later than 8 pm, and on Sundays too, where you don't need to notify companies 3 months in advance to get things done, and where the chinese food taste the way it supposed to!
So, if anybody that reads this blog, has any suggestions on phone savings besides Vonage, or any other suggestions, please write me.
I'm thinking I will get internet conection with Cable, have Vonage as phone, and not get cable TV but instead get Netflix, and have a movie to watch every night. That will be cheaper than having Cable TV, don't you think? The shows I love I can read the recaps on AfterEllen.com, or have marathon watching at a friend's house, because she saves everything on her DVR!
Oh! and if you own or have contacts with an international moving company, please contact me. My email is in the disclaimer at the end of this page.
I was with the idea of Pittsburgh because I had rented my apartment in NYC, so it would've been easier to be in Pittsburgh and then when my tenant decided to leave, I would decide then. Well, she notified me she was laid off and has to move by the end of this month.
So, all of a sudden, my apartment is available again, the Euro is almost 1.50 dollars, and I have to make a decision. Well, to me it is a sign that I need to go back to NY. I don't know exactly what will happen, I don't know what kind of job I can get, but I want to think that it is what I am supposed to do. Otherwise, how can I explain all these?
Of course emotionally this is driving me crazy! I'm sad, I don't want to have a long distance relationship, but maybe it is possible to do. I found that now Air Berlin has direct flights to JFK, and they start as low as 106 Euros one way! So, perhaps I'll accumulate enough miles, and so will my girlfriend. It will be all a matter of adjusting to a new situation.
I found already that Vonage has a plan where many international calls are covered and are free within that price.
And (the best thing so far) I saved 170 Euros that I would've paid to have my computer repaired! I need to change the Optical drive and the same drive is $99 in the US...
So, I'm looking forward to go back to a system where the client is always right, where everything can be obtained right away, where the stores are open later than 8 pm, and on Sundays too, where you don't need to notify companies 3 months in advance to get things done, and where the chinese food taste the way it supposed to!
So, if anybody that reads this blog, has any suggestions on phone savings besides Vonage, or any other suggestions, please write me.
I'm thinking I will get internet conection with Cable, have Vonage as phone, and not get cable TV but instead get Netflix, and have a movie to watch every night. That will be cheaper than having Cable TV, don't you think? The shows I love I can read the recaps on AfterEllen.com, or have marathon watching at a friend's house, because she saves everything on her DVR!
Oh! and if you own or have contacts with an international moving company, please contact me. My email is in the disclaimer at the end of this page.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Life, only quieter
"Sometimes a good fantasy is better than a sad reality"
To escape into the world of fantasies, or daydreaming, has become one of my favorite activities lately. Life is good, but things have changed. Most of the friends I know here in Berlin don't live here anymore. So, they too like many others, have become long distance friends. Fortunately they are not distant.
And then, I see that for every Euro I have to pay 1.48 US dollars... that totally makes me sad! I have to get back to the States, because I can't afford living here at this rate.
The consequences are of course having a long distance relationship with my girlfriend, and it is something that I don't even want to think about! Now I am doing the research again, on where to go when I go back. So far and at the top of my list is Pittsburgh. Very affordable to live with roommates, fairly close to New York, and a lot of cultural activity, at least on paper.
Of course everything could be different! Something might happen that would change my destiny, that would avoid the move back, something that would open up a different window for me.
In the meantime I keep reading and sometimes writing.
To escape into the world of fantasies, or daydreaming, has become one of my favorite activities lately. Life is good, but things have changed. Most of the friends I know here in Berlin don't live here anymore. So, they too like many others, have become long distance friends. Fortunately they are not distant.
And then, I see that for every Euro I have to pay 1.48 US dollars... that totally makes me sad! I have to get back to the States, because I can't afford living here at this rate.
The consequences are of course having a long distance relationship with my girlfriend, and it is something that I don't even want to think about! Now I am doing the research again, on where to go when I go back. So far and at the top of my list is Pittsburgh. Very affordable to live with roommates, fairly close to New York, and a lot of cultural activity, at least on paper.
Of course everything could be different! Something might happen that would change my destiny, that would avoid the move back, something that would open up a different window for me.
In the meantime I keep reading and sometimes writing.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
My Birthday!
At my age, which I am not going to disclose at such a public place, birthdays come by so fast, that I can hardly take them into account! Some times I even have to think hard of the year I was born, and then remember my real age! LOL!
As we've been doing for the last 4 years, I went out for dinner with my GF. We had a great time at an Argentinian restaurant where the steak is superb! This time was rather quiet, just the two of us, very intimate and fun!
As a gift I got a book published in French, with photos of women that are just getting out of bed.
Many of them are very famous... they look so good even at that moment of the day! Two of my favorite women are in the book: Emma Thompson and Demi Moore. And I also got a very cozy blanquet, perfect to use in winter while watching TV on the sofa.
I was thinking about how my life has change with my GF in it! She helps me see everything under a different perspective, savoring every moment, enjoying each other's company and having a blast with the simplest things. I can't imagine my life without her! It is so great to be in love! Today I feel very fortunate to have her with me.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Hello, my name is Sally and I'm an addict
I know I am weak! I have an addictive personality. I can get addicted to so many things at the same time. So, today I decided to admit publicly that yes, I am addicted to the following things:
Coke, Trendy Lemon, Sushi, Grey's Anatomy transcripts (I only have the second season on DVD so I read the rest of them online here), Desperate Housewives transcripts, AfterEllen.com, Scribegrrrl recaps of Bad Girls on Afterellen.com, And also the recaps of the terrible shows that they put in there.
I am addicted to a bunch of blogs, they are all in my Blogrol. I read the Obituaries every day. I play pogo.com everytime I'm on the phone. I talk on the phone for hours. I like to watch "Wissen" on German TV (documentary about how things are made). I've seen these series over and over: The Sopranos, Sex and the City, Queer as Folk, The L Word.
I am getting addicted to Weeds (The TV series, not marihuana).
I'm addicted to taking hot baths, drinking hot chocolate, eating Tamarindo, playing the slots machines at casinos, going out on the bike, taking pictures with my new camera, reading Mafalda, reading old postcards from my girlfriend.
I am addicted to the smell of my girlfriend's pillow, conversations until very late at night, apple with cheese, powder milk, and talking with my nephews. There is no particular order in my addicitions. And the picture, is from my favorite Sushi restaurant here in Berlin. When my friends came to visit, that's what we order for us 4. No, I didn't eat the whole thing by myself!
Coke, Trendy Lemon, Sushi, Grey's Anatomy transcripts (I only have the second season on DVD so I read the rest of them online here), Desperate Housewives transcripts, AfterEllen.com, Scribegrrrl recaps of Bad Girls on Afterellen.com, And also the recaps of the terrible shows that they put in there.
I am addicted to a bunch of blogs, they are all in my Blogrol. I read the Obituaries every day. I play pogo.com everytime I'm on the phone. I talk on the phone for hours. I like to watch "Wissen" on German TV (documentary about how things are made). I've seen these series over and over: The Sopranos, Sex and the City, Queer as Folk, The L Word.
I am getting addicted to Weeds (The TV series, not marihuana).
I'm addicted to taking hot baths, drinking hot chocolate, eating Tamarindo, playing the slots machines at casinos, going out on the bike, taking pictures with my new camera, reading Mafalda, reading old postcards from my girlfriend.
I am addicted to the smell of my girlfriend's pillow, conversations until very late at night, apple with cheese, powder milk, and talking with my nephews. There is no particular order in my addicitions. And the picture, is from my favorite Sushi restaurant here in Berlin. When my friends came to visit, that's what we order for us 4. No, I didn't eat the whole thing by myself!
Thursday, October 11, 2007
And then there's music!
So there I was happy as a clam, taking pictures with my new camera, and discovering new things to do with it. (Why are clams happy I don't know yet). Then I got disappointing news that actually got me depressed. I felt bad, low, didn't feel like going out and taking more pictures. My girlfriend came to cheer me up. It worked for a while and then I was low again.
There's nothing I can do about the news, even though it was something I expected.
So today I decided to take action against depression and got myself imersed in another world: I put on the headphones to listen to music. I've been listening to everything! From Joni Mitchel to Shakira, to classical music and Christmas songs. Yes, it was the "party shuffle" on the iTunes doing its job of really mixing things up.
To make a long story short, music is definitely the language that speaks better to emotions. At least for me.
And now I feel so much better. Only one thing, I just broke my laptop!!! The screen was not going back enough so I pushed and some piece of plastic jumped out of it!!!. Apparently that's the only thing and it will not be a problem. At least I hope so! Well, here's the damage to my computer.
I'm like a kid with a new toy with my new camera! I find technology fascinating. Oh, by the way, when using your digital camera to take "panoramic" pictures, just make sure there is nothing moving around, or you'll end up with a phantom!
Sunday, July 1, 2007
"Hospital food sucks!"
I'm back in Berlin after 11 days sharing with my nephews in Spain. It was a great visit. Being with them is always fun, entertaining and I come back exhausted! I was looking forward to come back so I could visit my girlfriend in the hospital. She went through a very serious operation, but she is doing great! I went to visit her today, and we were talking about many things. I brought her some Manchego Cheese from Spain, and Gummy Bears. But I should have brought something else! She told me plain and simple that "Hospital food sucks!" It made me laugh! We recently saw "Rain Man", and we laughed at Dustin Hoffman's character saying "K-Mart sucks!"
That's when I thought... how many things I take for granted every day? From my health to those little details, like food that is apetizing, like a nice sunny day to celebrate a summer festivity, like a breeze of fresh air in a room that is probably too hot and uncomfortable? Millions of things that I have and that I take for granted!
Life is too short, and I want to enjoy every minute of it. I want to be able to see everyday for what it is: a new unwrapped gift waiting for me to open it. filled with surprises, with new adventures, with new knowledge. I know is easier to concentrate in the simple things, in the smaller things, and that way the bigger things will be a lot easier to take.
With an "L" that is backwards made of staples, she is getting better every day, and it made me happy to hear her say that hospital food sucks! Tomorrow, what about Sushi?
That's when I thought... how many things I take for granted every day? From my health to those little details, like food that is apetizing, like a nice sunny day to celebrate a summer festivity, like a breeze of fresh air in a room that is probably too hot and uncomfortable? Millions of things that I have and that I take for granted!
Life is too short, and I want to enjoy every minute of it. I want to be able to see everyday for what it is: a new unwrapped gift waiting for me to open it. filled with surprises, with new adventures, with new knowledge. I know is easier to concentrate in the simple things, in the smaller things, and that way the bigger things will be a lot easier to take.
With an "L" that is backwards made of staples, she is getting better every day, and it made me happy to hear her say that hospital food sucks! Tomorrow, what about Sushi?
Friday, June 22, 2007
Gay Pride
I´ve been gay for a long time, but only for the last 12 years or so I´ve been more open. Last weekend in Berlin, there was a Street Fair dedicated to Gays and Lesbians. It was pretty crowded like always, and I got the chance to meet people that basically I only see once a year! We got together with friends, and walked around a little. I took some pictures and I´ll post them later when I get back to Berlin. Today is practically impossible because I can´t dump them into this computer. So, I owe you those pictures!
This weekend is the "Christopher Street Day" in Berlin. There will be a parade to celebrate Gay Pride; people will fill up the streets. There will be the gay supporters, the closeted, the out and proud, and of course the curious passer by that can´t take their eyes of those beautiful men that are walking around with such tight and sexy outfits it makes it impossible not to look! The good thing about Berlin, is that being naked is allowed, and there will be also many people walking around completely naked. The bad thing, is that many of them don´t have such great bodies...
Unfortunately I will not be there this year to show you some pictures, but I´ll try to get some from my friends.
I´ve been to many parades! Loved the ones in New York City! Now I reached the point in my life that is not so important to go and march and be "out and proud". Being a lesbian on my everyday life, is perhaps the best I can do, even when I can´t be that out and proud!
Happy Gay Pride Month!
This weekend is the "Christopher Street Day" in Berlin. There will be a parade to celebrate Gay Pride; people will fill up the streets. There will be the gay supporters, the closeted, the out and proud, and of course the curious passer by that can´t take their eyes of those beautiful men that are walking around with such tight and sexy outfits it makes it impossible not to look! The good thing about Berlin, is that being naked is allowed, and there will be also many people walking around completely naked. The bad thing, is that many of them don´t have such great bodies...
Unfortunately I will not be there this year to show you some pictures, but I´ll try to get some from my friends.
I´ve been to many parades! Loved the ones in New York City! Now I reached the point in my life that is not so important to go and march and be "out and proud". Being a lesbian on my everyday life, is perhaps the best I can do, even when I can´t be that out and proud!
Happy Gay Pride Month!
Spain for few days...
One of those things that I planned in advance because is cheap! So, I am in Barcelona for few days, enjoying my time with two of the smartest people I know. One is five years old, the other one is seven! They are very much into dinosaurs, pirates, and japanese cartoons. They also show their love with hugs and kisses, and constantly ask what some word means. I´m crazy about them, they are crazy about me. Every time we get together is party time! They trust that I will protect them no matter what, and trust my better judgement for some situations. They are learning English, but they are also fluent in Catalonian and are Spanish speakers. Their eyes light up with every single little gift that I bring them, no matter how little or cheap or whatever. It matters that their favorite aunt brought it. They are the love of my life. Such intense feeling, so unconditional, so incredibly deep since the first moment I had them in my arms... I can only imagine what a mother feels!
I love being an aunt!
I love being an aunt!
Sunday, May 6, 2007
10 years!
Exactly today, 10 years ago, I told my mom that I was gay.
It all started few days before. She was visiting me in New York, I was living with my ex, and we were just friends. I went out with my mom for shopping, and wanted to get b ack home early, to watch the "Ellen" episode where she came out. It was an incredible experience to watch Ellen say to Laura Dern: "I am gay".
Then, the 6th of May my mother finally asked me if my ex and I had a relationship. I said no, but if she was asking me if I was gay, the answer was YES.
She took it easier than I thought at that moment. So it was kind of a victory... later things would change, but that's another story!
So, 10 years ago, I told my mom I was Gay! Oh, and by the way, it's not just a face... it's not a choice... it is who I am!
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
There is no such thing as Costumer Service!
In Europe, the concept of "Customer Service" is not exactly the same as we are used to in the US. Don't get me wrong, many things are great in Europe, but they still don't believe that crap of "the client is always right". They KNOW they are doing YOU a favor, even if you are the one PAYING!
The first time I noticed that, was many years ago, when I had a Venezuelan Passport.
I was traveling to Europe with a friend, and we were coming to Germany, France, Switzerland and Belgium.
I went to the French Consulate in New York, since France was the only country that required a visa. In there, they asked me where I was traveling, and I told them. Then, they insisted I should ask for the Visa for Germany since I was going to be there the longest. But Germany didn't required Visa for Venezuelan tourists. It took me a good 10 minutes to convince the woman that she was supposed to be the one giving me the visa. And finally, after paying some $40 I got it.
When I moved to Germany I also discover that again, Customer Service was not the "strong" skill of many companies.
For example in January, Deutsche Telecom called to offer me a special deal with my DSL, an upgrade that required a new router, plus free calls in Germany, all for just 1 more Euro a month. So, I said yes. Almost 3 weeks later, one day I didn't have Internet access through DSL. Since my best friend was experiencing the same, I thought maybe it was a thing in Berlin. It was a Wednesday. Thursday, still no DSL. So I called Telecom. And they said that it was because they switched me already to the improved DSL... but Oh! I haven't got the router yet!! And I need the internet, since I WORK on the internet! I was lucky enough that I could call the "English" line where, if you are lucky, someone that speaks English will answer. So, they ordered my old connection re-connected, and I told them that I would call when I got the router.
One week later, finally the router arrives. I try to install it, follow all the instructions, follow everything and then... nothing! No connection was made. In the meantime, my best friend had spent more than a week and a half without internet, because there was a problem with DSL that was provided by Telecom, but her Internet provider was AOL, and they could not help her, because AOL didn't have access to DSL, and Telecom would not help her because she was not a client for their Internet. And by the way, AOL is my internet provider and Telecom provides DSL.
So, I call Telecom, they were very patient, and the guy explained to me for over 20 minutes what I should do for the configuration, since I have a Mac and the instructions were for Windows... After 20 minutes he asked me for my client number, and I gave it to him. He insisted he needed one that was different, which was my internet access client number. When I told him AOL provided my Internet, the patient and nice guy became a completely different person! Oh, then I can't help you! You have to call AOL! But it was Telecom offering me the new service! I just knew there was only one solution: CANCEL THE NEW CONTRACT AND RETURN THE ROUTER! (Which by the way, they offer for free on the phone and then sent me the bill for 58,49€!)
And this week, I spent 5 days trying to get a reservation for 4 tickets from Barcelona to Caracas. It was a complete and total nightmare!!! The Customer Service this time was in Spain. They rejected my credit card twice, requesting a bank transfer instead. I called the US to the Bank that issued my Card and asked what was the problem, and they said they have not received anything! When I told the spaniard company that they can call collect and ask for authorization over the phone, they say: "I'm sorry but we are not used to do that".
After coordinating with many people I finally get them the transfer, and 2 hours after the transfer was made, they sent me an e-mail telling me that unfortunately my reservation was canceled, and I would have to make another reservation, which is now almost 400€ more!! I felt I was becoming THE HULK! I felt like my skin was green and I could break that woman's neck over the phone! But instead I had to be calmed and collected, because of course she might not be as "diligent" as she has been so far! That was terrible!
I'm sorry about ranting, but in cases like the ones above, I really miss the United States Customer Service, where the client is always right!
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Sunday's Rituals
When I was a kid, I remember I would look for the newspaper on Sundays to read the comics. When my sister was able to read, we would "call" a reservation of the comics so one could read it first. Kid's stuff! Later on in life, there was a time when I would love Sunday mornings to read the newspaper while listening to Opera, which usually was "La Traviata" and "Carmen".
After my father died, on Sundays my mom would go to the cemetery, and then we all go to have lunch together. I would almost always ordered a French Onion soup, and that would make me take a nap in the afternoon. Then I'd go to the movies at night.
When I lived in New York, Sunday brunch was a must, no matter with who, or where, but it became a tradition.
Now that I'm living in Europe, Sundays are days that have only one thing constant for me: I read the Washington Post Magazine. I discovered it over the internet, one day that I was looking for something to read, and really enjoyed it. One of the people I enjoy reading is Jeanne Marie Laskas. Some of her columns are hilarious! I also like the features they write about.
Why am I telling you this? Well, this week, Laskas wrote about hair, and I found it very funny, since I was writing in here about hair too.
After my father died, on Sundays my mom would go to the cemetery, and then we all go to have lunch together. I would almost always ordered a French Onion soup, and that would make me take a nap in the afternoon. Then I'd go to the movies at night.
When I lived in New York, Sunday brunch was a must, no matter with who, or where, but it became a tradition.
Now that I'm living in Europe, Sundays are days that have only one thing constant for me: I read the Washington Post Magazine. I discovered it over the internet, one day that I was looking for something to read, and really enjoyed it. One of the people I enjoy reading is Jeanne Marie Laskas. Some of her columns are hilarious! I also like the features they write about.
Why am I telling you this? Well, this week, Laskas wrote about hair, and I found it very funny, since I was writing in here about hair too.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Some times, it is just a haircut!
Have you ever had one of those day when you feel like life is too much? Nothing goes the way you want! You felt like cereal for breakfast, and the milk went bad. You wanted to take the day off, and you get sick with nausea and can't even move from the bed. You wanted to open a can of peanuts, and the ring breaks when you try to pull it. Or your cat vomits all over your CDs!
Well, when you thought nothing was going to get better, you might take action, searching for a solution. Of course, some solutions are not exactly the best... But then you realize that life can be so much better, and you know you'll just feel better if you had the perfect haircut!
I know, this sounds superficial, but it is true for most women, straight, gay, femmes or butches. A haircut can be THE defining act that will make you look at life under another perspective: the one from where YOU feel great!
Some times you think you know what can be best, but its not true. Britney's haircut, need I say more? Although I still think she doesn't look THAT bad! I don't think she is crazy because she shaved her head... I did it once too (and stayed in my house for 3 months until my hair grew!)
Think for example of Demi Moore on "G.I. Jane" She had the hair, she had the skills, she was the one to be a G.I, but until the haircut, she could not really accomplish her goals. I liked that movie, and strangely enough, I thought that scene when she shaves her hair was very sexy. Maybe I am alone with this but its Ok. I know I can be weird sometimes.
Then we have people like Shakira, for whom her hair is so much a part of her whole presence! If its' curly is great, if its straight is great. She looks great no matter what, even when her clothes are ripped, because she has a great body too. And by the way, have you seen the video of Shakira and Beyoncé, "Beautiful Liar"? They look so alike! I watched it few times and at points it is confusing! They look great together, almost like twins. Great directorial job! Sorry I digress.
Getting back to my original idea, a haircut can be what really changes everything! I bet you that millions of women in the 90's knew very well, that having THAT perfect look and hair, was the solution to their problems.
Remember "the Rachel"? Maybe some of you are too young to remember,(in case you haven't seen it, just check out reruns of "Friends", or rent the DVDs) but I know many that tried to get it, got it and well, the result was not what they expected. But just the idea of looking that great, was enough to already change the mood and see life under a different perspective.
So, without further ado, I'm going to get a haircut today! Have a nice weekend!
Well, when you thought nothing was going to get better, you might take action, searching for a solution. Of course, some solutions are not exactly the best... But then you realize that life can be so much better, and you know you'll just feel better if you had the perfect haircut!
I know, this sounds superficial, but it is true for most women, straight, gay, femmes or butches. A haircut can be THE defining act that will make you look at life under another perspective: the one from where YOU feel great!
Some times you think you know what can be best, but its not true. Britney's haircut, need I say more? Although I still think she doesn't look THAT bad! I don't think she is crazy because she shaved her head... I did it once too (and stayed in my house for 3 months until my hair grew!)
Think for example of Demi Moore on "G.I. Jane" She had the hair, she had the skills, she was the one to be a G.I, but until the haircut, she could not really accomplish her goals. I liked that movie, and strangely enough, I thought that scene when she shaves her hair was very sexy. Maybe I am alone with this but its Ok. I know I can be weird sometimes.
Then we have people like Shakira, for whom her hair is so much a part of her whole presence! If its' curly is great, if its straight is great. She looks great no matter what, even when her clothes are ripped, because she has a great body too. And by the way, have you seen the video of Shakira and Beyoncé, "Beautiful Liar"? They look so alike! I watched it few times and at points it is confusing! They look great together, almost like twins. Great directorial job! Sorry I digress.
Getting back to my original idea, a haircut can be what really changes everything! I bet you that millions of women in the 90's knew very well, that having THAT perfect look and hair, was the solution to their problems.
Remember "the Rachel"? Maybe some of you are too young to remember,(in case you haven't seen it, just check out reruns of "Friends", or rent the DVDs) but I know many that tried to get it, got it and well, the result was not what they expected. But just the idea of looking that great, was enough to already change the mood and see life under a different perspective.So, without further ado, I'm going to get a haircut today! Have a nice weekend!
